Back At It...

Well, I don't know if anybody is still reading, but it's time to get back at this thing.

There has been a reason for the absence, and there's probably a reason for starting to write again--I'm just not sure what that is, but hopefully it will turn out to be something positive.

Over the Christmas holidays, Michael and I separated. Things started going badly in November (or probably well before that) and as much as I hoped they would turn out differently, they haven't. We decided to wait until after Christmas to tell the kids or make any major decisions. I wish the timing could have been better, but things rapidly detiororated in the weeks preceding Christmas and we told the kids on Boxing Day. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, and I wonder how much I changed who my children are on that day.

I have been seeing a counselor and my family and friends have been solidly behind me.

I am a mess of emotion. At times I am terrified, at times I am furious, at times I am confident and at times I am very sad. These feelings often change from minute to minute and I can't predict anything anymore.

I don't intend on airing my marital dirty laundry via this blog because out of respect for the children and also for Michael, I don't think it's the appropriate thing to do.

My main goal in writing on this again is to hopefully look back on these posts one day and see how far I've come. Right now, that seems like a REALLY long way away.

I'm also intending for every post to not be a whining, crybaby session. Life goes on and the boys and I have one to live. I'd still like to share our everyday comings and goings and hopefully some of the old Susan is still in there and capable of sharing these things. (But the whining ones will still show up from time to time, I'm sure...)

So, I hope you'll join me for the ride as I work toward building a new life for myself and my kids. (see, in that sentence I'm feeling confident..that's good, right?)